The secret art of being a parent

The secret art of being a parent

Wow that sounds like such a click-bait title now that I’ve actually typed it out! Eh, did it work? HAHAHA.

We already know I get books to review right? Well I do. I work with some magical publishing houses. Every now and then though something goes wrong somewhere and I’m sent a book or two that I didn’t request (you get sent a list to mark for a request – this way you aren’t sent books you wouldn’t enjoy reading) and usually it’s not a big thing, it isn’t this time either but I did have to laugh.

The secret art of being a parent by Bridget Watson Payne arrived and I was rather puzzled. It’s cute, something oulik to give a first time parent. It’s basically filled with things that anyone will tell them anyway – sleep when baby is sleeping, suck their dummy to clean it, love is more important than stuff etc etc…

But I sat looking at this and wondered “why would they send me this? I know all this. My kid is turning double digits this year.”

Yeah. You felt that sink in right there as well didn’t you…

MY KID IS TURNING DOUBLE DIGITS THIS YEAR. Seriously. DOUBLE DIGITS. In less than 3 months I will have been a mother for TEN FUCKING YEARS ALREADY!

Almost a decade of being a parent and I still feel like I suck at it. I’m too emotional but not emotional enough. I’m not a physical love kinda person and he is all about the hugs. I like my own space and he is all about being around constantly. I’m not one to talk unless I really want to and he is never every quiet (no seriously he even talks in his sleep).

He burps and farts and thinks it’s funny, leaves his dirty clothes on the floor and needs reminding that a wet towel must be hung up. He eats way too much sugar, is as sarcastic as myself and sulks when I say no. He needs to be told when to go to bed and will sleep all damn day if you don’t pull him out by his freaking toes.

But clearly I’m not entirely terrible at this parenting thing either because I am so often complimented on how polite he is.

And he is, he knows his please and thank you’s even though he doesn’t always look at the person when saying it. He’s honest (sometimes too honest but it doesn’t help that I don’t have a filter either) and he doesn’t judge people for their choice, unless said choices are really stupid and idiotic (like speeding or driving drunk or jumping from trains). He works hard and helps out without complaining (usually anyway, the past 2 weeks it’s been like living with a teenager) and he is considerate. He’s smart as a whip, learns fast and is kind to everyone.

So, seeing as we have both survived 10 years of this shit I thought we’d give you some advice. From the both of us.

CHARLIE

  • BREATHE
    It sounds dumb but taking a really deep breath before you say anything, particularly when they’ve done something stupid or NOT done something you’ve asked really helps.
  • STAR CHARTS!
    I only just found out that these actually work! Like wow man, this is a serious pro parenting tip. USE IT.
  • TRUST YOUR GUT
    If you think something is wrong, it usually is. I listened to other people and turns out that I was right, Fysh’s handwriting issue wasn’t just due to being lazy, it’s a legit issue.
  • HIDING CHOCOLATE FROM YOUR KIDS IS A NECESSITY
    Don’t feel guilty about wanting to not share. Seriously, you freaking deserve that evening coffee and chocolate. And if your partner is like mine, hide it from him as well. (He sleep eats all the good stuff).
  • DON’T GOOGLE SYMPTOMS
    Dr Google will only tell you that you and/or your child are dying, have cancer or are pregnant.
  • PARENTING CHAT GROUPS ARE A CESSPOOL OF JUDGEMENT AND CLIQUES
    No seriously, you go there thinking you’ll find like minded people or advice or whatever but in general if it’s specifically a chat group vibe you will inevitably be sucked into the darkest and nastiest parts of parents.

FYSHER

  • BE NICE
    Mom doesn’t have super powers but she tries very hard and when I’m nice it makes her happy
  • WHEN MOM YELLS YOU CAN’T SAY SHE IS MEAN
    Because if mom yells then she’s angry because I should have done it when she asked me or I was being dumb and she was scared cause she loves me a lot.
  • MOM ALSO GET SAD
    So I make her coffee and give her a hug and let her watch cartoons so that she is happy again.
  • MOM WANTS HELP NOT MONEY
    It’s better to help mom and dad-ish out with my chores so that they have less to do and then can spend time with me instead of spending my pocket money on treats
  • GOOGLE
    Mom doesn’t know everything and that’s okay because google almost does and then I can teach mom something new as well

I am sure there are waaaay more things I can think of, that we can both think of but those are definitely the big ones. Kids are just tiny us’s which is why they are such assholes sometimes. They are literally half our DNA… I mean damn. But they also have all those grown up emotions shoved into these tiny bodies and not enough life experience to know how to deal with them. Hell, look at the political crap going on, most adults don’t even know how to be proper humans.

At the end of the day, you do you.

Do you have any secret tips or fantastic tricks in the parenting department? Please share?!?! Every bit helps.