There seems to be this stigma that only weak people take medications for mental health (I was told this).

Well fuck you if you’re one of those that think so. Seriously. Because you know what you’re not considering? Side effects. And let me tell you this, side effects are most definitely NOT for the weak.

When it comes to finding the right cocktail there’s a lot of trial and error, what works for you and makes you happy can have the opposite effect on me and make me worse. It’s happened. I’ve been on medication where I cry about EVERYTHING. Can’t open a lid, I’ll cry, coffee is too hot, I’ll cry. It’s not nice. I had a friend that was put onto the wrong medication. I say had because he shot himself.

I’ve been on my cocktail for a while now but last year they added a new one to the mix, side effects came up and I decided to deal with them and put mental stability first over side effects. But I can’t deal with them anymore and I’ll tell you why… imagine yourself being constantly pregnant. Yes, pregnant. That’s been my side effects, abdominal sweeping, severe weight gain and get this, lactation. I’m thankful in the fact that none of this put my person off though I know for a fact he probably misses the old me as much as I do. I’ve tried diet and exercise and nothing helps. I put on 30kg’s over this past year and it’s making me feel sick about myself, I can’t bear to look at myself naked and when I do I want to take a razor to my thighs and belly. Even Fysh now wobbles and kisses my belly which is cute for him but obviously makes me feel even more disgusted.

So here’s the catch. Do I continue to put up with the side effects which are breaking down my self confidence on a daily basis just because it’s worked to stabilise me or do I discuss it with my psych and we go onto the next trial of medications which can mean mood swings and new unknown side effects.

Still think I’m weak?

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