loss and rejection

Today was… Well, it was one of those days where I was so busy I didn’t have time to work on any of my personal projects and at the same time I actually have jack to show for it. I honestly can’t tell you what I’ve accomplished because other than still breathing and marking a math test I don’t think I actually really did much.

At lunch I found out that my stepsister’s youngest daughter died last night in a car accident. Two of her friends are okay and the other is critical. I haven’t seen any of them since we lived in Lüderitz, that’s over 10 years now. But I used to babysit her kids all the time. I changed diapers, I chased them around. I  remember S when she was this real wild-child that could have come straight out of a scene from Kringe in die bos. I guess it’s been too long to feel anything right? I mean they aren’t really family either right? And yet I actually feel a little sad. If not for the direct loss then for Y who has lost a daughter. Something no one should experience. Ever.

Then this evening I opened up my emails to a rejection from something I have applied for 4 years in a row. At this point I should probably stop applying and yet every time sign up’s open I’m there filling the form out anyway. At least it’s consistent I suppose. And although I was a little angry and then even a little upset a good friend reminded me that even my queen herself JK Rowling was rejected several times before someone recognized her brilliance.

So it was a weird one. It was blank and yet completely overwhelming at the same time. I know that most likely doesn’t make any sense.

But if it does somehow resonate with you, just know you aren’t alone xoxo

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