As I stood in the passage earlier after putting off Fysh’s light and closing his door I realised that I don’t know when he got this big. I don’t mean big as in not a baby, or big as in already to my shoulders and only 1 shoe size smaller than me, I mean grown-up. In the hustle of life things seem to have blurred more than I realised. Do you know what I mean?
What was it, maybe a year? Maybe a little less? He wouldn’t sleep unless there was a light on and his door was open. We always had the passage light or bathroom light on the in old house and his door always had to be open even if just a little bit. He’s been like that since he was born, always with the light. Probably something he got from me because I can’t fall asleep if it’s quiet or completely dark.
I know the phrase “I’m not ready for this” is said often but man do I feel it to the marrow in my bones. He’s always been more grown-up and independent than other kids his age, and that’s been so helpful and definitely made the parenting gig easier. But still. It’s weird.
His light is off.
His door is closed.
He has his first real crush.
And in less than a month he’ll be a decade old.
I AM NOT READY FOR THIS!