dear two parent families


I am dead serious, how do you manage splitting yourself between your person and your kid? For me raising Fysh alone is the only thing I know, I have him with me 24/7 7 days a week unless he’s at school or sleeping at granny for a night. It’s him and me, we’ve never had custody sharing and I always laugh when I hear people who do custody share complain about how they have their kid for a whole week at a time during holidays (yes this was an actual conversation with a “single” parent) welcome to my life, only difference is I don’t get to ship him off to someone else and get a week break during holidays… he’s with me. all. the. time.

I’m used to it so don’t take this as me complaining. I like having him with me, he gives the best cuddles and is one of those kids that craves closeness and extra doses of love.

But The Person came into our lives a year and a half ago and I’m still not sure I’ve got this extra person thing 100% waxed. Maybe the fact that we only see each other on weekends is why we’ve lasted so long? I don’t know. When he’s visiting I like to spend time with him cause I don’t see him during the week but then I feel guilty cause I’m paying him more attention than Fysh but if I pay Fysh attention when he’s visiting then I feel guilty that he’s not getting enough while he’s visiting. You see what I’m struggling with here?

Two parent families seem to always pity single parents and yeah a little sympathy is nice but it’s not necessary. You obviously get those moms who bitch and complain about raising their kids alone and go around looking for the pity but I guess I’m just not that kind of parent. Of course financial help from the biodad would be appreciated but I wouldn’t know how to navigate custody or sharing my kid. He’s mine dammit. HAHA.

So yeah, if you’re a two parent household, how do you split yourself between the two? And for you families of more than one kid. Nee fok I can’t even wrap my head around it. Maybe I’m just wired wrong, love as such and emotions don’t all sit the way they should with me so maybe it’s actually a really easy thing that my lack of chemicals makes harder. Sometimes I think I’d manage fine if I lost everyone and that I’d cope and maybe I would but I’m a creature of habit and those I “love” are my favourite habits.


7 comments on “dear two parent families”

  1. You’re speaking my truth here, although, granted, I do have every second weekend where C goes to her dad.

    To put it bluntly, I didn’t cope well with it. In fact, it took me about 3 years to adjust properly. You do get into your own rhythm of it, but all you need is some patience (mostly with yourself).

    He’s in it to win it with you. Trust that. X

  2. Here’s a hint – I always feel that I never give enough attention to any of the 3 kids or hubby. I always feel that I give to little – and then have nothing left for myself.

  3. I so agree with Cat. I think Mom’s are programmed to put others first, not give enough to themselves and then feel guilty about it. I am constantly juggling spending time with all 4 Tribelets. I am not actually sure what I do can be classed as parenting, more like crowd control. Whether it be watching them play sport, doing homework or just chilling on the couch chatting to them. Then a throw a husband into the mix! Lucky for me, he is very hands on and helps with loads of things. Time alone for us is rare but when we do have it, we make the most of it.

  4. It’s not a separate thing. We all spend time together and sometimes J is working and Y and I hang out and other times I am working and J and Y hang out and sometimes J and I want time together so we send Y to his granny or his sitter. The together part is key though

  5. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to consult my husband about certain parenting issues as we often differ. The hard part is in coming to an agreement about your parenting styles, not so much in giving of attention. But it is nice sometimes to have the support of another person as well for difficult decisions. I do wish I had more time to myself though as between 2 kids and husband I don’t really get any me time.

  6. It’s like Cat said above, you feel like no one gets enough. I don’t know how folks with more than one kid do it. We’re still muddling along trying to find a way that works for us, so don’t worry you’re not alone.

  7. Well… It’s probably easier when you see each other every day in fact, then the novelty wears off and you manage to balance time better… But what Cat said is true too, and that’s probably what happens most… It’s easy to totally lose yourself in giving to kids and person. But yeah it’s probably easier when there are two parents all week and they get that kids also need time . You find the way to spend time with everyone.

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